Be Extra Picky About Your Friends, it’s not selfish

It’s not selfish to be Picky About Your Circle

It is no secret that friends play a significant role in determining the direction and quality of our lives. Almost everyone universally agrees upon this statement, and there are plenty of scientific studies to support it. The problem is very few people take action on this knowledge. Fear of judgment can make it easy to stay connected to people we don’t want to be around, which could significantly impact our lives than we realize.


People come and go.

I have met more people than I can recall in my entire life. It can be so stressful to meet new people. It’s so stressful to give your energy to people you are excited to see. Then, the next thing you know, they are gone, and you never hear from them again. People experience this all the time. These short-term interactions disappear into thin air and become distant memory.

It’s crucial to understand the motives behind your interactions with people who come and go. Do you want to find a friend for the rest of your life? Do you want someone to help with a project? Do you want someone who is willing to take on any challenge with you? My intentions were what determined the expiration dates of all people I met. Many of my college “friends” didn’t fulfill my long-term needs. Our relationship ended in a short time. It happens. I don’t dwell on it; sometimes, it’s not that easy depending on what friend. I am confident in myself and can feel great with them. It was good for the short-term, and that’s okay! You can meet 7 billion people around the globe. Every experience is a learning opportunity.


Not everybody comes and goes. People are drawn to you, and they stay. Because they feel a connection with you, they stay for a while or longer. They are genuinely loved and cared for. They will meet your needs, and you will meet theirs. I am grateful for people who are there for me and will do everything to keep them safe. Friendships are just as hard work as relationships. Trust, open communication, and quality time are essential to any meaningful relationship. You will see who is there for your needs and who isn’t. It’s okay to let friendships go.

Friends and acquaintances have lost touch with us. Although it may feel awkward, you don’t have to rekindle every friendship you once had.

After the lockdown, and now that you are back out in the world, it is possible to realize something: There are many people you have not spoken to within over a year.

Suddenly, you realize something: You may want it to stay that way.


Many of us are resuming our pre-pandemic social lives. We are beginning to recognize that there are still friendships from ‘before times’ that we don’t have the time to keep up with during lockdown, and we aren’t excited to rekindle them now that we are able.

Do we have to feel guilty about not caring about these relationships?

People have known for many years that friendships are good for your health. However, experts agree that it is normal for friends and acquaintances to lose touch with time; this is nothing to be ashamed of. You can always reach out to someone you genuinely miss. If you feel obliged or emotional labor, you may need to let go of that person. Every friendship doesn’t last forever. It’s difficult to keep up with all your friends, especially when you have new relationships and life changes, like moving cities or changing jobs. These life events can change how you view your friends and help you reprioritise who you are most comfortable spending your time with.

The Brain-Science of Friendship

Neurosynchronization occurs when our brains connect with those we are most frequently surrounded by. This remarkable phenomenon is the reason so many researchers find that it is easier to learn new habits by being around people who already practice them.

For this reason, the best decisions for our future, our loved ones, and our lives are those we surround ourselves with. But don’t believe me. Moran Cerf, a neuroscientist that studies decision-making, as well as Robert Waldinger (a psychiatrist who conducted a 75 year-old study about happiness), found that the best decision we can make to improve our personal happiness and personal growth is who we surround ourselves with.

It’s not prideful to be picky about your inner circle. It’s wisdom. Jesus had 12 disciples, but only three of his closest friends.

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Your Social Circle’s Impact

Here are some more reasons to be intentional about your social circle.

1. They have a visible influence.

Friendships are special because they offer safe spaces. You can let your guard down when you are with friends you trust and feel comfortable with. A friend can often convince you to do something you wouldn’t have done under other circumstances.

2. Your Future Depends on Their Actions

It’s not a new concept to associate impact. Ever seen a movie about someone whose life was ruined by a dumb decision made by another? A simple mistake in your decision-making can cause a bad reputation that could change the course of your entire life.

3. Their perspective refines yours.

Don’t be surprised to see your outlook change if you surround yourself with pessimists or negative people. The opposite can also be true. If you have trouble seeing the positive side to life, surround yourself with positive people. You’ll soon begin to see the benefits of their perspective and adopt it as yours.

4. They will become your standard.

Small-town girls who have never lived in big cities can only aspire to be the best of their small towns. The same applies to our inner circle. Your inner circle will set the standard for you. Be sure you are comfortable with what you see. Find a few friends to help you set a higher standard for your life.

It is not selfish or impolite to be picky about your friends, especially those closest to you. Your life, the lives of your loved ones, and your future are too important to ignore. By filtering your social network, you can transform your life and increase your happiness.
Choose Your Friends Carefully 
  1. This has helped me reflect on a few friends I have and how they disappeared and a few friends I have now that are not worth keeping around, I also hope I don’t get guilt tripped by their attitudes when I stay away. Thanks reelnat

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