If you’re a Very Online individual, chances are you’ve heard of sapiosexuality. However, even if it’s the case that you’ve heard the phrase, you might not be aware of its meaning. You might be the most attractive person, but sapiosexuals will only be attracted to you if you have something interesting to say. If getting books to give as gifts instead of flowers is awe-inspiring to you, then you could be a sapiosexual.
You may be sapiosexual if an intense debate, stimulating lecture, or long conversation keeps you engaged.
It’s no secret that humans tend to be drawn to intelligent people, regardless of whether they be friends or potential partners.
From an evolutionary perspective, it makes complete sense. Picking a mate that could detect poisonous berries and find a way out of a jam made the possibility of successfully raising children more likely. It also meant they could pass on their good genes.
What is Sapiosexual: Meaning
Sapiosexuality is a form of sexuality that is more attracted to the content of a person’s mind than their physical appearance. To feel sexually attracted to another person, a sapiosexual must first feel intellectually stimulated. This implies that intelligence is typically the first thing one observes in a potential partner.
Sapiosexuality is the term used to describe a person who has a sexual attraction to intelligent people, to the point that they believe this to be the top thing in a potential partner.
Although many people are drawn by intelligence, sapiosexuals are attracted more than others. Sapiosexuals don’t only feel attraction to intelligence; they are also sexually stimulated by it. Because of this, many consider it an orientation toward sexuality. Some may view it as an aspect of sexual fetish. Sapiosexuals are typically sexually stimulated through intelligence, more so than other characteristics.
Keep in mind that intelligence is a subjective term. When we talk about intelligence, it’s crucial to remember that we’re talking in terms of the perception of intelligence. It’s not something that can be precisely measured since it can be found in various forms. There’s spiritual, emotional, language, and logistical intelligence, to name the most common. The type of intelligence one likes the most heavily depends on how they were raised, their political and religious opinions, and the types of content they consume.
A sapiosexual, for instance, may be attracted to doctors due to the fact that their parents taught them that medical professionals have more intelligence than other professionals. One sapiosexual might notice attraction to someone after having engaged in a philosophical discussion.
There’s a distinction between sapiosexuality and a desire to be with intelligent individuals. While most people are looking for partners who are smart, sapiosexuality is focused on intelligence to a more pronounced degree.
A sapiosexual is someone who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing and is attracted to intelligent people.
Sapiosexual vs. Demisexual
The terms “sapiosexuality” and “demisexuality” are often misunderstood since those who declare themselves as either do not put a lot of importance on a person’s appearance, at least initially. There are, however, distinctions between the two.
Demisexuality
It is the term used to describe people who have a sense of sexual attraction towards an individual after they have formed an emotional connection.
Sapiosexuals
Are able to sense a strong attraction towards a person’s intellect without making an emotional bond.
Sapiosexual vs. Greysexual
People who are greysexual may engage in sexual intimacy with a person but do not crave sex. In addition, like demisexuals, they do not experience romantic attraction until an emotional bond develops. Greysexuals differ from sapiosexuals due to the fact that they are not always attracted to the intelligence of a person. Additionally, they don’t have sexual arousal as a general phenomenon.
Understanding Sapiosexuality
For sapiosexual people, how a person thinks is an attractive characteristic. The intellect is what creates sexual attraction. Let’s examine sapiosexuality:
It Starts With the Brain
Since attraction depends on the mind or how a person’s brain is wired, people who are sapiosexuals do not experience attraction until a potential partner attracts their mind. There isn’t any lust, desire, pleasure, or sexual satisfaction until the brain is first stimulated intellectually.
Sexuality Becomes Less of an Entity
If sapiosexuals are looking for the right partner, they tend to focus more on the potential partner’s ability to think for themselves than their appearance. This means that things such as size, shape, or facial characteristics take place in the background.
Since intelligence is more important than appearance, sapiosexuals might be more inclined to express their love to others by displaying it in ways that don’t focus on appearance.
Criticisms
Sapiosexuality is a relatively new concept and has been a source of disagreement. Some have claimed it’s not a legitimate sexual orientation but a kind of attraction. However, the people who identify themselves as sapiosexuals claim that intelligence goes beyond something they value in a person. It’s the major reason behind their sexual attraction, in the same way, that a beautiful body or attractive face may attract some people.
Others suggest that the concept of sapiosexuality can be preposterous and discriminatory. The term has been criticized for being both ableist and Eurocentric. The emphasis on intelligence suggests that people place their value on their cognitive capabilities and ignore people who are disabled, neurodivergent, or aren’t able to access formal education. It also emphasizes Western-focused measures of intelligence while not accepting other types of intelligence or intellectual curiosity.
Signs of Sapiosexuality
Let’s examine some of the most common characteristics of sapiosexuality. If you agree with most of these assertions, there’s an opportunity that you’re sapiosexual.
Do you Prefer Deep Conversations
You could be a sapiosexual if there’s nothing more satisfying for you than having a stimulating, interesting conversation. Often, you’ll find yourself drawn to people who clearly express themselves and listen to you do the same.
Conversations with intellectuals turn you on
Sapiosexuals are not only drawn to a potential partner’s intellect, they are often physically turned on by intelligence. If political debates or lengthy conversations about literature put you excited for sex, that’s another indicator that you’re sapiosexual.
For sapiosexuals, being intelligent isn’t just the icing on the cake for an already attractive companion; it is intelligence that creates the arousal. Sapiosexual people don’t just enjoy intellectual conversations; they may also be aroused by them.
Your Ideal First Date Is a Cozy Bookstore
If you are a person who prefers unhurried dates without interruptions or distractions so you can enjoy an engaging conversation with your potential partner, you are probably a sapiosexual. Also, sapiosexual individuals will likely prefer a smaller intimate setting for a first date over a bar or lounge.
You think “smart” is the best compliment.
For sapiosexuals, intelligence is much more important than fashion and flowers.
The first thing you would say about your crush is, “They’re so smart!!” Or “I could talk to them for hours about THIS” You could be a sapiosexual!
You care a lot about professional or academic success in a partner.
A sapiosexual may be especially focused on achievement in their academic or career at work, in their own life, and what they’re looking for in their partners.
They might have a profile on a dating site that focuses more on their job or goals in school than trying to meet someone for sexual relations.
For the sapiosexual, the achievements can be seen as a barometer of the person’s general ability to think for themselves.
You Believe Intelligence Is Sexier Than a Beach Bod
Sapiosexuals prefer an intelligent mind over a physically attractive body. If you’re concerned about what someone’s opinions are, what they represent and want to know more about their morals, values, and preferences, then you could be a sapiosexual.
You fell in love with an individual after you saw their intellect.
Do you remember the time you were uninterested in someone until any of the following happened:
- You saw them read a book you like or you have enjoyed as well.
- You had a stimulating conversation with them.
- You were able to find out what their job or interest is.
- You learn about the school they attended.
- You can read their opinions via Twitter, Instagram, TikTok or their blog.
If you’ve ever noticed a change in how turned on you are by someone after learning about or interacting with them that solidified their intelligence, you may be sapiosexual.
You’ve lost interest in someone after noticing a lack of intellect.
The other side is that intelligence is the primary factor in arousing sapiosexuals. Suppose you’ve been unable to keep a fascination with someone after engaging in a philosophical, political or spiritual discussion or reading their writing. In that case, it is possible that you are also a sapiosexual.
The intellectual spark is more important than the emotional spark.
Sometimes, sapiosexuality may be mistaken for demisexuality as a form of sexual orientation defined by having only experienced sexual attraction towards someone when they have a strong emotional connection. Although there is a certain similarity between these two types of orientations, there are some distinct differences, just like you read above, in sapiosexual vs demisexual.
Again, sapiosexuality is the necessity to develop an intellectual connection before a sexual relationship can be established, while demisexuality refers to the need to establish an emotional bond before an attraction to sexual nature can occur. For a sexual relationship to start, an individual who is sapiosexual seeks out someone on the same intellectual level as they are on, while someone who is demisexual is looking for someone who shares their feelings and emotions.
Other Signs of Sapiosexuality:
Although there’s no definitive way to tell whether you’re sapiosexual, There are a few indicators to be on the watch for if you suspect that you could be.
Signs that you might be a sapiosexual are:
- You find someone attractive after reading something they wrote.
- You get stimulated by watching TED talks.
- Debating deep thoughts with someone feels like foreplay.
- Someone’s point of view matters more to you than their appearance.
- You don’t like small talk.
- You are aroused when you watch your friend discussing something they’re skilled at.
- You enjoy imparting knowledge to your friend.
- The “nerdy” characteristics in others have always enticed you.
- It is easy to be turned off by grammar errors.
How Sapiosexuality Affects Relationships
Being a sapiosexual, or having a partner who is a sapiosexual, can impact relationships in a variety of different ways. For instance, having deep conversations as well as other activities that stimulate your mind is likely to be a way to connect. Although your relationship with your partner might differ from that of your family or acquaintances, staying loyal to your identity is crucial.
Sexuality can affect romantic relationships in various ways, including:
Bonding Through Intellectual Activities
If you are with a sapiosexual person, they’re likely to be more focused on mentally engaging activities within your relationship. Although this could be a substitute for other kinds of intimacy, it’s essential to be aware that sharing this way can strengthen your relationship. If you’re a sapiosexual, explain this to your partner so they can feel validated and valued in your relationship.
Pressures to “Be Smarter”
If your partner is aware that you’re a sapiosexual, they might feel pressured to display behaviours that show an above-average level of intelligence to retain your love. Similar to how some partners try to get better physically in order to remain more attractive partners, a partner might be inclined to make improvements in the area of their intelligence.
Different Turn-Ons
People’s preferences for partners will differ for each person regardless of which sexual orientation they choose. If you are a sapiosexual, you will concentrate less on the physical attributes of your partner and more on their intellect. For instance, intellectually stimulating conversations could replace dirty conversations and flirting. Although it may seem strange at first, it may be a vital element of a romantic relationship with a sapiosexual partner.
Relationships May Develop Slowly
Since it is more challenging to evaluate a person’s intellect capability as opposed to their appearance, it could be normal for relationships among sapiosexuals to develop slowly. Sapiosexuals typically develop a sense of attraction slowly as they gain more knowledge about their partners. So, if you’re in a relationship with a sapiosexual, don’t worry when your relationship is growing slower than the previous ones.
Others May Not Understand
In spite of the fact that everybody is unique in what and who they prefer, Sapiosexuals can still face judgement about their sexuality. Family members and friends who aren’t sure may ask offensive questions, even if they don’t do so deliberately. Also, sapiosexuals are less inclined to observe or discuss their partner’s body. This may seem like rejection for some, particularly those in a relationship with a sapiosexual at first.
Where to Meet Sapiosexual People
Although the term sapiosexual is relatively new, the sexuality itself is not. Due to its criticism and novelty, the concept of sapiosexuality has yet to become accepted within popular culture. This can make finding acceptance and understanding people difficult. However, there are plenty of areas where you can search for compatible partners with whom you can build connections.
The most common ways to meet other sapiosexuals include:
Visiting a library
It’s not surprising that a lot of sapiosexuals enjoy sitting around many books and areas for studying in peace. Think about visiting the library in your area to meet a sapiosexual.
Utilizing dating websites and apps
Numerous dating websites and apps are beginning to offer diverse sexualities on their sites, which allows sapiosexuals to meet each other more easily.
Attending conventions
Participating in events or activities that attract people who share similar interests, such as gaming conventions or comic cons, can be a great opportunity to explore your sexuality.
Attending lectures
If you register for an event in your area, you can be sure that others in attendance will have the same values of intellectuality as you do. So, you might encounter other sapiosexuals at educational institutions.
Taking a class
If you are pursuing a traditionally intellectual or mentally stimulating activity like playing an instrument or studying the language of another, it could put you in close proximity to other sapiosexuals.
Read More: How to Build An Interdependent Relationship With Your Partner
Read More: Integrity vs. Despair in Psychosocial Development | Practical Psychology
Tips For Dating a Sapiosexual
If you’re considering being with a sapiosexual and are aware of what they are drawn to, it’s crucial to know their desires and needs. Since appearance isn’t the primary factor for the person, you should ask them what they’re looking for in a partner and how you can support them in their sexuality.
Here are some tips for dating a sapiosexual:
- Engage and enjoy their interests.
- Book club or library dates.
- Make plans for outings to explore new cultures or concepts.
- Ask them to tell you what their top book is and why.
- Ask them questions about their profession.
- Find a new skill to learn together.
- Discuss your interests with them.
Sapiosexual (Sapiophiles) Pick Up Lines
- “Hey, you can’t spell Calculus without us.”
- “Are you a nobody? Because nobody is perfect.”
- “Are you related to Yoda? Cause YODALICIOUS!”
- “You look like a 9/10, and I’m the 1 for you.”
- “Are you a 90-degree angle? Because you’re lookin’ right!”
- “Hey there, you’ve got some nice curves. Can I derive you home?”
- “I wish I were your tangent; I would lie next to your curves.”
- “What do you say we use my lever to shift your centre of mA$?”
- “Are You the Square Root of Two? Because I feel irrational around you.”
- “Baby, if you were words on a page, you would be what they call FINE print.”
- “I heard you’re good at algebra – Could you replace my X without asking Y?”
- “Are you an unemployed CEO? Because you look like you could use some company.”
- “Hey, Did we share electrons? Because I am feeling a covalent bond between us.”
- “How is it that I know so many digits of Pi, yet I know 0 digits of your phone number?”
- “Hi, beautiful! I just finished studying the book of numbers. But don’t think I have yours.”
Sapiosexual Joke and Quotes
Some of us look for a super creative partner, while others look for someone always looking for the next adventure. Perhaps you’re the kind of woman looking for a partner who can crack jokes or share your passion for reading books and listening to Ted Talks or podcasts.
A lot of the time, however, we always want to be around someone who is knowledgeable. And I don’t refer to a guru who makes one feel stupid simply by being around them. It’s the kind of person obsessed with learning more about the universe, constantly on their phone, researching more about the subject, or very confident in their geekiness.
While enjoying your intelligence and contemplating how cute it will make you look, you should look at the following quotes. You might just find these quotes are the perfect way to break the ice with someone new.
- “Philosophical discussion is my foreplay.”
- “I only invite intellects, wordsmiths, and lust monsters to my tea party.”
- “Your mind does things to my body that your hands never could.”
- “Let’s have intellectual intercourse.”
- “I have a thing for intellectuals. I love a good mind orgasm every now and then.”
- “I get high on intelligent conversations.”
- “Never underestimate the seductive power of a decent vocabulary.”
- “I have a weakness for clever minds.”
- “Talk nerdy to me.”
Conclusion
If you’ve decided you’re a sapiosexual, you’re closer to understanding who you are and identifying what you would like from a potential partner. Once you’ve established your identity and the things you would like from a relationship, you’re likely to have more happiness in your relationships.
