How Can Parents Help Their Children Achieve High Congruence

Children with high congruence are more confident in their self-worth and a healthy and productive life. They can accept their mistakes and have an understanding and caring attitude towards themselves. Parents have the responsibility of helping their children reach this level of congruity. So, how can parents help their children to achieve high congruence?


What is High Congruence?

Congruence is the state of mind where our ideas about our true and ideal selves are very similar; high congruence is when they match up. The person who is highly congruent knows who they are and what they can contribute to their world and lives a life that enables them to fulfil this self-concept of themselves.

A highly congruent person knows their core, including their desires, dreams, goals, values, mission, and objectives; they’re not easily influenced by external pressures and will never sacrifice who they are because they remain determined in their own truth; integrity and authenticity flow in their veins, but those who are not congruous don’t feel content because they’re not being true to the person they want to be, and as such, usually see things through a negative perspective.


What can Parents do to Help Their Children Achieve High Congruence?

It is obvious that you shouldn’t expect your child to know exactly who they are or comprehend all their most cherished hopes and desires yet, but you can mould your child into a person who is a person of high congruence. How? The first and most important thing is to show the children love unconditionally.

Rogers discovered that children born into a world of unconditionally positive regard, assuming that children do not have to prove their value or worth, are more likely to align their ideal selves with their true personas and lead in a state of high congruence. Children in families where parents showed the impression of love and value under a set of circumstances were likely to create a sense of identity far from the ideal persona. These children are more likely to search for external influences as a way to confirm their self-esteem.

To put it another way, helping children achieve high levels of congruity could be attributable to positive parental behaviour that focuses on resilience, happiness, and the positive development of children.

What is Positive Parenting?

Based on the universal definition provided by Seay and others, “Positive parenting is the continual relationship of a parent(s) and a child or children that includes caring, teaching, leading, communicating, and providing for the needs of a child consistently and unconditionally.” It’s a continuous display of affection and love between a parent and child.


Positive parenting also helps parents be prepared for any future behavior problems from their children; it’s a method for teaching kids self-control and the ability to avoid certain behaviors. Positive parenting can help you to lessen the stress of punishing your child or yelling; a stern warning or a harsh punishment will just discourage your child, and a child who is discouraged is likely to be a troublemaker frequently. So, use the no-yelling method and the shocking consequence formula that is commonly referred to as the five Rs.

What are the 5 Rs of Positive Parenting?

Being able to confront a child who has done wrong with the consequences for their behavior is a great way to deal with the situation. This is a way of letting the child be aware of the consequences of any wrongdoing, but it shouldn’t be treated as an act of punishment. Use these five R’s and follow them as a rule of thumb to correct your child without shouting. It’s a reasonable and rational method of helping your child see that bad behavior justifies the consequences.


Don’t blame or shame children for their behaviour; if you’re upset, try to refrain from reacting immediately. You can put off the situation at that moment and discuss it calmly when you’re less upset. 


Make sure that the consequence is related to the behaviour; this gives your child complete control and self-confidence in their decisions, and this enables learning to occur easily. You can say, “If you don’t brush your teeth, you don’t get any ice creams.” For kids who are older, “If you come in late, you don’t get to go out for two weekends”, and do your best not to appear desperate..


Keep in mind that you’re not attempting to make your child pay for the error or bear the consequences; the goal is to help them realize their errors and learn. For example, if your five-year-old child is throwing around toys and you want to put them away for a short period of time, make sure the timeframe is in line with your child’s age and level of maturity. Don’t be enticed to extend it when it’s not working.


Establish expectations by making the consequences known in advance and explicit. In this way, your child is able to decide between proper behavior, what is not proper and the consequences. So, if your child decides not to brush, he is aware that it means no ice cream.


The child should repeat the rules or explain the rules to you in order to ensure that there is a mutual understanding. If you are using the five R’s, help your child understand them, too.

  • Step 1: Discuss the issue or concern with your child.
  • Step 2: Describe expected behavior.
  • Step 3: Explain the consequences of inappropriate behavior.
  • Step 4. Ask your child to repeat the consequences

What are some methods to use: Positive Parenting?

Simply telling you to give your child unconditional love sounds rather broad, does it? These suggestions offer more concrete ways to get your child’s life towards a high degree of congruity.

  • Let your child discover what they’re naturally attracted to. Are they fascinated by music? Do they want to know more details about animal life? Encourage them to be a follower of their instincts.
  • Help them keep a journal of what inspires them; let your child’s imagination go wild. By writing what they are passionate about and are looking forward to and the goals they’re thinking of achieving, they will explore the depths of who they really are, free of distractions and without being a victim of peer pressures.
  • Help them to write a mission and vision statement. 
  1. What do they hope to accomplish? 
  2. How will they make a difference in their world? 
  3. What is most important to them? 
  4. What are they looking to do to aid others? 

By writing an action plan, your child will be crystal clear on their beliefs and goals. In the process, you will get to know them more deeply and understand what they stand for.

  • Let them acknowledge their mistakes. Owning up to their mistakes helps children discern when they’re out of sync and how it makes them feel. Making amends for their mistakes is a crucial tool for personal growth and helps them realize that they’re still worthy, even when they’re unsure of their own abilities. This can lead to a greater level of confidence and more compassion for others and themselves, leading to better congruity.
  • Be clear with your child that the consequences depend on their actions. This will make your child aware that they have control over their actions and the effects. 
  • Do not scold your kids for their errors; be at peace and not get angry before them. Instead of enforcing consequences right away, you can put it off but create an opportunity for discussion and discuss what happened.

Is Positive Parenting Effective?

Studies that were published in the Journal of Clinical Adolescent Psychology have demonstrated that positive parenting can reduce the risk of depression in children. The study also reveals that parents who are harsh with their discipline on their children in the early years are more likely to cause these children to develop mental health issues later in life; also, it is possible for parents to pass on their problems to their children. Positive parenting can be beneficial for both the child and the parent.

So, you can help your child develop a positive view of self-worth and reach high levels of harmony through positive parenting; it can also help to build more positive parent-child relationships, better communication, and happiness. It also helps reduce negative behavior. However, if you have a challenging child and have tried these techniques to no avail, you may need to see a child therapist for further assistance.

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What is an example of congruence therapy?

In the case of anger, the facilitative congruent method involves making sure that their anger is their primary feeling. If it is, this information needs to be shared in a non-blaming and non-escalatory way.

What is an example of congruent behavior?

In research on personality, for instance, behavior congruity occurs when people’s self-reports are in line with their behavior, while in the context of organizations, it refers to the circumstances where employees’ personal goals and their work-related behavior are in line with the organizational goals.

What is a congruence approach?

Congruence is an aspect of therapeutic relationships which refers to the precise matching of an individual’s experiences with their awareness. In person-centred counselling, the counsellor’s congruence approach is one of the most beneficial and important aspects that aid clients’ growth in counselling.

What is goal congruence?

Goal congruence refers to an event in which individuals at different levels within an organization are united in their objectives. An organized and well-thought-out layout leads to goal congruence and can result in a company being able to collaborate to achieve a plan. 

What is high congruence alignment of self?

Self-Alignment Definition: According to Roger’s Self-Alignment Theory, when self-image and the ideal self are in close proximity, we show high self-alignment or congruity. A significant overlap usually indicates increased peace, calm and well-being. A large gap between “I am” and the “I want to/should be” causes me to feel “out of step” or not in alignment with my true self.


To help children reach high congruence is a multifaceted endeavor which requires patience, empathy and active involvement by parents. By encouraging self-awareness, promoting the development of critical thinking, and offering emotional assistance, parents can assist their children in helping them navigate the complicated process of aligning their values, beliefs and actions, thereby fostering an authentic sense of satisfaction within the lives of their children.

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