The Mindset of a Cheating Man – Psychology Behind Infidelity

It doesn’t matter if it was a general curiosity that brought you here or if you’re dealing with an unfortunate experience that involved infidelity; the mindset of a cheating man is a complete mystery to you. If his answer to the question, “Why did you do this?” leaves you absolutely in awe, you’ll know it’s almost impossible to get an honest answer from him; he’s not going to appear before you and give you the reasons and methods behind every single thing. Then, how can you navigate the mind of a cheater?


We’ll explore an issue that’s been the subject of numerous debates, discussions, or heartbreaks: The mindset of a cheating man.

Before we get into the characteristics of a cheater, it is important to know the mentality of a cheater; people who cheat on their spouses do not have the same characteristics. It is important to look at the individual as well as the external influences that influence them before making assumptions.


Cheating men are motivated by anything that has to do with attention to maintain a particular image.

The person who cheats will usually be a victim of a feeling of being unappreciated by his spouse and might even feel they aren’t getting the respect that he deserves. They are also driven by the desire to keep an image or a lifestyle they think they deserve, but without being able to put in the effort to achieve it. Another characteristic common to cheating men is that they tend to have low self-esteem, which could lead them to a path that leads to self-destruction instead of honesty in their communication with their partners.

The man’s view of infidelity has come under constant examination. Many people ask why men cheat and what causes them to violate their vows of faithfulness.

The psychology behind cheating men is a complicated and multi-faceted problem. There is no simple answer to understanding why men cheat in their relationships.


There are definitely personal factors that could influence an individual’s decision to cheat, including

  • Emotional dissatisfaction
  • Sexual frustration
  • or a desire for excitement

At the core of infidelity is a fundamental disrespect for the commitment made to another person.

The Mindset of a Cheating Man

Infidelity can be a difficult topic for many, and identifying the motives that drive cheating is essential to preventing it from happening. From a desire for adventure and excitement to the fear of intimacy, we’ll examine the causes that influence the mind of a cheater. So put on your seat belts and prepare to plunge into the deep waters of the mindset of a cheating man.

This criticized moral behavior has puzzled philosophers and psychologists for centuries, and they are left to wonder about the motivation behind these men, which drives them towards breaking their vow of commitment to another.

The psychological basis behind this particular behavior pattern isn’t an easy thing, and every case of cheating comes with its own complexities that often make the perpetrators confused when they are forced to confront the consequences and then answer the basic question, “why did you do this?”

However, if each situation has its own distinct particulars, how does one navigate through the patterns of this conduct and avoid it as far as possible?

One thing most people who stray from their committed relationships share is a complete indifference to their actions and the consequences, as well as a deep-seated disrespectful attitude toward their partner.

As previously mentioned, numerous individual factors are responsible for the fall of these men; they include:

  • Emotional dissatisfaction
  • Sexual discontent
  • or a desire for excitement

Psychological Facts About The Mindset of a Man

What is going on in the mind of someone who is cheating? Are they aware of the magnitude and disrespectful gravity of their actions? Or is it possible that lust can indeed blind a person into a state where “I wasn’t thinking” is really true? The mentality of a cheater isn’t simple to comprehend; however, it is possible.

The psychological evidence about cheating will reveal that lust isn’t the only motive, especially when he is still cheating after being caught. The reasons he used to justify his actions might have made you shiver; however, it could be due to his inability to express the emotions he’s experiencing.

For the most part, you’ve been on edge; it’s time to look into the mindset of a cheating man.

If someone really wishes to understand what it is that is going on inside the mind of a man who cheats multiple times or to understand the psychology of cheating, it might be helpful to keep track of the following points:

  • According to a study conducted by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, 25% of married men have had extramarital affairs.
  • There are statistics that show 70% of Americans have cheated at least one time in their marriage.
  • As per a report published by the BBC, 70 percent of men have confessed to cheating.

After we’ve identified that males are more likely to cheat, let’s take a close look at the reasons that trigger this tendency:

They want to have more sexual pleasure.

Why do men cheat? One reason is that they want something new or interesting in the bedroom.

Perhaps they’re not receiving enough attention, or maybe they don’t share the same passions. It could be because they’re unhappy with their current situation and want something new and exciting.

Let’s take an example. For instance, someone is a fan of a particular style of sex, but his partner isn’t. It’s possible that they’re missing out on this part of his sexuality; he may look for someone who has the same desires. Perhaps he’s bored of his sexual life and wants to explore different ways of doing things.

Men who cheat and seek to increase their sexual attraction often share similar traits. They are typically reckless risk-takers who put their own interests over their partners’ desires.

Consider it this way: Imagine a guy who’s always been a player; he’s never settled and is always up for the chase. He is attracted to a new girl and decides to make a commitment to her; however, after a few days, it becomes apparent that he feels stuck. He doesn’t feel the excitement of flirting, so he cheats on his partner to feel that rush of excitement again.

They are not emotionally satisfied.

Unhappy emotions can indicate that the man isn’t satisfied or valued in the relationship he is currently in.

This could stem from a number of reasons; perhaps he feels that the person he is with doesn’t know him or doesn’t share his goals and dreams. Whatever the reason, the result can be feelings of frustration and loneliness that are difficult to forget.

How does this lead to unfaithful men? When a guy is unhappy with his emotions and life, He may look for another person who will satisfy his needs.

Let’s say he finds someone he can relate to in a deeper way, or he decides to confide in someone who understands his needs. In these situations, the person he’s talking to can provide the things he’s not receiving from you. Obviously, this shouldn’t be an excuse to be a cheater; however, it is important to know why certain men might be compelled to cheat.

They have low self-esteem.

Let’s examine another reason why men cheat: they have low self-esteem!

If a man is deficient in self-esteem, he might not feel comfortable about himself and his value as a person. This could be due to various factors, including:

  • Traumatized childhood
  • Previous relationships,
  • Judgments based on appearance
  • Or even just societal pressure to meet certain standards.

In any event, any of these factors can create a sense of inadequateness or fear, which can be challenging to overcome.

How does this relate to cheating? If a person is depressed about his self-worth, he could seek validation from others to feel better about himself.

Perhaps he’s flirting with a colleague at work or even going to bars to get girls. Be aware that this person was rejected by girls in the past and did not feel like he was a part of his fellow classmates. Now, he comes across an attractive girl who seems attracted to him and begins flirting with her. He begins to think that perhaps he’s not as worthless as he believed, and when he thinks this, before he knows it, he’s cheating on his partner.

Of course, this isn’t the best way to deal with low self-esteem; if you’re struggling with low self-esteem, it’s crucial to tackle the root of the issue and create a better self-image.

They act on impulse.

Sometimes, men (or people generally) are impulsive and act without considering the implications of doing so.

Stress anxiety, stress, or an inability to control oneself can lead to the psychology of cheating. In the case of cheaters acting impulsively, it can be a sign that the person sees an opportunity to get involved with someone and does not think about how it could influence his relationship.

Let’s say, for instance, that John goes to the bar with his buddies at night; he’s feeling pretty depressed about a situation and is just looking to let his steam out. He talks to a woman in the bar, and before he realizes it, they’re making out.

He isn’t thinking about how this might affect his partner; he’s simply caught up on the current situation and how much attention he’s receiving from the other person.

Some people act impulsively without analyzing the situation; this is another reason men cheat!

They are influenced by their peers.

Like most humans, they tend to be social beings who want validation and love from other people. Sometimes, this need for acceptance can cause men to engage in behaviors that aren’t in accordance with their morals or values, particularly in settings where infidelity is a norm or even accepted.

For example, think of an adolescent group of men attending a bachelor party. They might think they must “live the high life” and indulge in actions like drinking heavily or engaging in a relationship with strangers in order to be part of the crowd.

In this type of setting, cheating on a spouse or partner could be viewed as just another wild night out and not something that should be viewed as guilt-inducing.

If you’re in a position where men have the traits of cheaters, it’s crucial to be aware of your own beliefs and boundaries and not let the influence of others guide you down a road you’ll regret.

They feel superior

When a man feels superior, he may feel some sense of entitlement to certain things, including sexual gratification.

The feeling of superiority could originate from various reasons, including societal, cultural, or personal beliefs regarding power dynamics in relationships. It may also arise from the man’s accomplishments in wealth, success, or even fame, which makes him believe that he is superior and that some norms don’t apply to all of us.

For example, a man with a prominent position within society might feel that it is his right to influence and control ladies around him, including his wife.

These beliefs and attitudes can cause a belief in entitlement that can destroy the fundamentals of a healthy relationship.

It is important to recognize that this feeling of superiority can be caused by the toxic male, which perpetuates the belief that men are the dominant ones and are entitled to rule and exploit women. These views are destructive and are not appropriate for healthy relationships.

They have an insecure attachment style.

A man who cheats is usually a person with an insecure persona. He feels a sense of loss and rejection; he might have difficulty developing and maintaining healthy relations. Insecurity may result in seeking validation beyond their current relationship by cheating to cope.

For instance, a person with an insecure attachment style might require the attention and support of several partners. This behavior may arise from a fear of being alone or not good enough.

It’s important to continuously engage in meaningful conversations and learn more about each other. Discuss love languages, hopes, dreams, career opportunities, etc., to be emotionally available in a relationship!

Cheaters cheat out of boredom.

This is among the most frequent reasons behind their fidelity.

We should be honest; we’ve all been there. Sometimes, life is somewhat dull and boring; it’s easy to look for fun at the wrong spots.

Why do people who cheat tend to do it when they’re bored? The answer lies in the psychology behind cheating and lying.

The excitement of snooping around and revealing secrets can be extremely addictive. It’s as if they’re in their private world of danger and excitement.

Naturally, such behavior can’t be sustainable or healthy over the long term. Men who cheat because of boredom usually display certain behavior patterns, such as:

  • Suddenly becoming more secretive or distant.
  • Getting defensive when asked about their whereabouts or actions.
  • Or never letting you touch their phone.

If you spot these devious signs, speak to your partner and attempt to maintain a relaxed and open dialogue. Ask your partner what they enjoy and try to be involved in these activities.

They want to punish their partner.

Another reason men break their commitment and cheat is because they are trying to punish their partner. This may sound ridiculous; however, it’s extremely common among cheaters.

The reason for cheating is that they believe their partner has hurt them in some way. Perhaps they were cheated upon by their partner first, or maybe they feel that they don’t have enough respect or attention from their partner and decide to retaliate the way they can.

Whatever the motive, people cheating in order to hurt their partners frequently find themselves feeling justifiable in their behavior. They might even think that their partner deserves to suffer and that they’re attempting to teach their partner an important lesson.

This kind of behavior is extremely toxic and can be detrimental to relationships; this only causes more hurt and pain. Some men recognize this harmful behavior and work to address the root causes with their spouses positively and productively.

They Blame Their Partner or Justify Infidelity

Some men attempt to justify their infidelity by blaming it on frustrations in their relationship or perhaps the imperfections in their spouse.

Some may argue they wouldn’t have cheated if their partner had more sex with them, paid them more focus, or didn’t gain weight.

These excuses are a way of avoiding discussing these issues as a team.

It is seen as an effective way for a cheater to convince himself that he’s not getting the attention he “needs” from his relationship and is justified in wanting satisfaction or attention elsewhere.

They Tell Themselves They Can’t Help It

Many men believe that they do not need to defend themselves against the lure of having an affair with another person who is not their spouse.

They may think that there’s no way to avoid the urges that are fundamental to them, or they’re not capable of creating an enjoyable relationship with only one person.

It is a problem or even an addiction; if people believe this, they will usually require long-term psychotherapy to overcome their self-perception issues.

Of course, the infidelity will not end unless they decide to take a stand against that mentality and sort out these issues themselves or with help.

They Feel Misunderstood or Unlovable

A lack of self-esteem is often the heart of infidelity; some cheaters believe that their partners don’t understand them or that they are inherently unlovable. 

If they feel this, it is possible that they will seek love or understanding elsewhere. Like any infidelity, it isn’t the fault of the partner but rather an individual issue, which is due to the lack of communication or self-perception issues that have to be addressed.

If people don’t work through their issues, they might attempt to deal with them with sexual satisfaction somewhere else.

They feel they’re Using Their Power.

People in positions of power, whether in office or due to financial wealth, might be tempted to cheat due to their feelings of power; they see sex as a power game. 

This could be more challenging if the cheaters are with subordinates, resulting in an imbalance in power dynamics.

They’re Afraid of Being Abandoned

Men cheat on their partners due to fear of being abandoned; again, this is a sign of low self-esteem. They believe the presence of more than one person will lessen their anxiety about being abandoned.

This results from fear of rejection and is often linked to a feeling of discontent with themselves.

Of course, having more connections isn’t the solution; it just buries anxiety and fears into unhealthy ways of coping.

People who suffer from these problems need to be willing to work through these issues with help to figure out the reason they are fearful of being rejected and lonely and need to be willing to reflect on their own behavior and make changes.

They Seek Danger

At times, infidelity may be driven by a sense of danger and the desire to pursue the forbidden. Many men who were unfaithful to their partners claim they loved the thrill of breaking the rules and stepping over boundaries.

In this way, they cheated because they knew that it was wrong but were satisfied with the satisfaction of not following the commitment rule and not getting caught.

When we seek that rush of adrenaline and dopamine, it is normal human behavior; however, everybody is accountable for their actions.

It is a natural instinct to seek an adrenaline rush and dopamine spike, but it’s not an excuse for an affair.

They Have a Twisted Idea of Love

Some people cheat on their spouses because they have an inaccurate view of what love really is.

They may think the love is gone because the initial love sensation and excitement are no longer felt; these people start to believe that the marriage is likely to fail.

They seek the initial excitement of dopamine and love elsewhere. 

They’re Having a Crisis of Identity

There is no doubt that we have heard of the mid-life crisis, and middle age is the most common time people go through this.

The men may be anxious as they get older, and progress seems slow, particularly in the case of feeling not as attractive or appealing to others as they used to.

Being older may be a time to confront sexual dysfunction that can cause men to doubt themselves and feel low self-esteem. Like any sexual infidelity, this is not an excuse but could be a cause.

They Are Narcissistic

Interestingly, while some cheaters are motivated by low self-esteem or self-loathing, some are narcissistic.

This faulty way of thinking can lead people to believe that they have the right to be the center of attention for their partner or that they’re owed sexual gratification.

Narcissists who cheat on their spouses believe they are entitled to an unreal amount of tending and, therefore, feel justified in seeking the same thing elsewhere if they don’t get it.

The behavior is totally selfish and not at all the fault of their partner.

What Is The Main Cause Of Cheating?

The primary reason for cheating is a lack of trust and communication among partners. If one of the partners feels his or her desires aren’t being met, the person could look elsewhere for the attention and affection they expect most from their spouse. 

A lack of communication and trust can lead to an absence of intimacy that could lead to an affair for either or both of the couples in a relationship!

What Goes Through A Man’s Mind When He Cheats?

The idea of cheating on your partner can be a frightening one. It’s tempting to think that it’ll be simple once you’ve decided to cheat, but this isn’t the case. Lying to someone whom you claim to cherish, respect, and love kind of says otherwise. In the case of infidelity, it can eat into your life and should make you think about some important aspects of yourself.

What Are Common Traits Of Cheaters?

Many people who have been cheating believe that their partner isn’t fulfilling their desires; however, they are hesitant to come out about the problem due to fear of being abandoned or even losing a portion of their possessions.

If someone cheats on you, it’s more likely a reflection of themselves more than anything else.

How Cheaters Hide Their Tracks?

Cheaters are always seeking ways to hide their tracks. They know that if they are found out, they might pay dearly for it. This is why they constantly try to come up with new ways to avoid being found out. 

  • They erase text messages as well as emails and social media messages. 
  • They create fake identities on dating websites and apps so that nobody can tell who they are. 
  • They use fake emails and numbers when signing up on dating websites and apps.

Why Do Cheaters Get Jealous?

Cheating can occur when a person feels insecure in their relationship and decides to do something to address it, usually through having sexual relations with someone else behind their partner. The feeling of jealousy is a clear indicator of insecurity in the relationship. Insecure self-esteem may cause individuals to engage in destructive actions, including cheating on their spouses. They’ll look for validation elsewhere if they aren’t happy about themselves. For instance, If a man with low self-esteem discovers his girlfriend has a crush on someone, he may cheat on her because he thinks she doesn’t love him anymore just because she has a crush on someone that’s not him.

Can a Man Cheat and Still Love His Partner?

The two aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive. It may sound absurd, but it’s actually possible for a man to be deeply in love with their partner and still engage in sexual infidelity.

However, it is essential to be aware that cheating can be an issue that goes beyond feelings of affection. There are a variety of reasons one could cheat, such as:

  • Boredom
  • Emotional dissatisfaction
  • A desire for excitement
  • Or the need to be validated

It is crucial to tackle these issues with your partner and determine why the cheating occurred to make a move and build an honest, healthy relationship.

Ultimately, whether an individual can cheat on his partner and still be in love with his partner depends on the particular circumstances. Couples should have transparent and open communication and be prepared to resolve any issues that might occur.

With time and determination, restoring trust and building an even stronger bond is possible!

Can a Cheating Man Change and be Faithful?

If you’re in a relationship with an individual who has cheated before, you might wonder if he can change and be faithful. The answer is yes, it’s possible.

But, you must be realistic and realize that restoring trust requires time and dedication by both partners. It’s not enough for the cheater to say sorry and promise never to do it again.

They have to show genuine remorse, accept responsibility for their actions, and seek to rebuild and regain trust.

It requires a lot of reflection and self-reflection from the cheater to determine what led them to cheat in the first place. And then deal with any underlying issues that might have contributed to the cheating.

Men should be honest and open with their spouses and willing to build relationships.

One thing to keep in mind is that cheaters lie; it’s part of the deceit and manipulation that is often associated with cheating. Therefore, it’s essential to be vigilant and be able to trust your instincts about how much your spouse is committed to change and being loyal.

If you think they’re not sincere with you or can’t notice any effort to alter their behavior, then it could be time to review your relationship.

Who Cheats More, Men or Women?

In my honest opinion, the answer to who cheats more among both genders is men. Also, based on numerous research studies of couples across the globe, it’s observed that men tend to cheat more as compared to women.

These are stats to support this claim:

  • According to a study published in The Journal of the Institute of Family Studies, around 20 percent of men have cheated, compared to 13 percent of women.
  • The study also found that women were more likely to cheat than men in the age range of 18-29. group. If you’re asking, “Do girls cheat more than men?” The answer is that young women are more likely to cheat than men of a younger age!
  • Another study conducted by Live Science confirms that twenty to 25 percent of married men cheat their spouses, and 10 percent of married women cheat.

If you ask why men might be more likely to cheat, some researchers suggest it could have something to do with society’s expectations of masculinity and sexism.

The pressure on men to take risks in order to prove their masculinity could result in being a cheater. 

What do all Cheaters have in Common?

Here are a few of the most common traits of cheaters:

An inability to empathize

They tend to put their own wants and needs over their partner’s needs and desires.

Lack of ability to control their impulses

They may act in a hurry without thinking about the possible consequences of their actions.

A long-standing pattern of infidelity 

They may have cheated in all or almost all previous relationships, which could indicate that this is a pattern they’re likely to follow.

A tendency to lie 

They may lie about their intentions and actions to avoid being caught or to deceive their partner.

Feeling of entitlement 

Cheaters may think that they are entitled to more than one partner or that the rules don’t apply to them.

Low or insecure self-esteem 

Cheaters cheat to hide low self-esteem or to feel validated.

Lack of communication 

Cheaters could avoid having transparent and honest conversations with their spouses, which will cause relationship issues.

These are only a few of the frequent traits of cheaters. But keep in mind that every person is different and could have different motives to cheat on their partner.

Psychological Long-term Consequences of Infidelity

Infidelity may have lasting psychological consequences on the person who was cheated on and the cheater. 

Here are some typical, long-term psychological consequences of infidelity

Trust issues

The consequences of being cheated on can break confidence in a partner. Sometimes, it makes it difficult to trust other people, even in a new relationship.

Emotional trauma

Infidelity can create massive emotional pain and trauma, which can lead to depression, anxiety, as well as other mental health issues.


The person who was cheated on could doubt their self-worth and ask which mistake they made that caused their partner to cheat on them.

Relationship problems

Cheating can do a lot of harm to relationships. Even if partners decide to remain together, restoring trust and rebuilding the relationship could take an extended time.

Guilt and shame

The person who committed the cheating may feel guilt and shame for their actions. This can cause self-destructive behaviors and further harm to the relationship.

Read More: What Is Commitment in a Relationship: How to Stay Committed: Signs, Stages, Rules, and Everything Else

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How can you deal with the Psychological Effects of Infidelity?

Seek professional assistance

Consider seeing a counselor or therapist to assist you in overcoming your emotions, get an objective view, and obviously do better.

Be open with your communication

If you’ve been cheated on, attempt to talk openly to your spouse about the feelings you feel and how you can take the next step.

Self-care is a practice you can do

Take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally. This could include exercise, eating nutritious foods, and getting enough sleep while spending time with your loved ones.

Give yourself time

Healing from infidelity requires time, so be patient with your partner and yourself. It’s fine to go slow and concentrate on restoring trust and your relationship in a way that is beneficial for you both.

Being able to deal with the psychological consequences can be difficult, but getting over it is possible.


It is common for a relationship to be infected by infidelity for many reasons, and it can require an enormous amount of time and healing. The psychology behind cheating is complicated; although many marriages fail to survive it, it is possible to get back on track if the partner who has been unfaithful is determined to be accountable as well as make amends.

Infidelity: to stay or go…? | Lucy Beresford | TEDxFolkestone
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