Domestic discipline is not just associated with, but it is domestic abuse. It took a while to get the culture to start humanizing women (most instances of violence are directed at children and women). However, there are certain instances when males are the victims.

What is Domestic Discipline?

The domestic discipline group advocates spanking the wife as a form of discipline. However, others argue that giving husbands this kind of power in marriage is an abuse of the spouse, which can be detrimental to self-esteem and the dignity of the person being spanked.

Those who practice this also engage in different forms of so-called discipline too. One example is forcing the other party to take a timeout. Domestic discipline is just a false reason for abuse in a relationship.

What is Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD)?

Domestic discipline in marital relationships is one where one spouse, usually the husband, has authority over the wife and is given the power to support his authority with physical punishment, like spanking. The term Christian discipline is a situation that occurs in marriages where both or one of the partners make use of biblical scripture to justify the non-scriptural and non-Christian way of life, it might sound confusing, but as we go further, you will see that it really is not.

The people who advocate for domestic discipline make their case by relying on a variety of verses that are taken out of context and then wildly misinterpreted. CDD advocates often use Ephesians 5:22–24. This verse is used to justify the reprimanding of the wife by her husband in whatever manner that he decides to employ, such as physical punishment or spanking. But this interpretation is not in line with the meaning of the verse.

While wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord, this bizarre interpretation overlooks the fact that it is not mentioned anywhere. It is not written in Scripture that the Lord ever directs or allows the physical punishing of wives by their husbands. Spanking is reserved for children because children are not old enough to be reasoned with, and loving physical punishment is, in many instances, the only way to shield children from their own stupidity. To fail to follow this rule is a grave injustice toward children (Proverbs 13:24 23:13-14). Women are NOT children and can comprehend reasoning, dialog, and biblical principles without resorting to physical force.

In the end, the nature of this practice grants the husband complete authority and control in the marriage while allowing physical violence or the spanking of the wife. Additionally, spanking is painful and humiliating, dehumanizing, and inflicting trauma. These factors can affect the woman’s self-esteem as well as her identity as it demonstrates that she’s unruly and needs to be supervised.

You may recall that it took some time for the cultural system to become more humane towards women. Women have the right to vote, and they are now able to work. They can now indict men for domestic violence. It’s true the concept of household violence in the sense of a standard crime isn’t new.

Every state made wife beating unlawful by 1920. But only in the 1970s have law enforcement been able to consider domestic violence an actual crime and not as a family issue. Domestic violence refers to any physical, emotional, sexual, or psychological assault that people commit against an ex- or current partner. It includes a range of crimes like assault, sexual assault, stalking, harassment, and violations of civil restraining or protective orders or homicide, and various other crimes that take place during the course of a domestic violence situation like arson, robbery, or destruction of property and placing a child in danger.

Because domestic discipline is considered a deviant behavioral approach to relationships, many people are turning to blogs, community forums as well as websites to collect details or record their experiences. Most people who advocate for the practice of domestic discipline cite various reasons to engage in this practice, including the belief that it was ordained by God.

These beliefs tend to be in opposition to what research has to say regarding the practices. Here’s an overview of the striking contrast between what people practicing domestic discipline believe and what the actual research suggests.

Supporters of Domestic Discipline Claims

• Supported by Scripture
• He gives the husband authority over all household members.
• It requires consent from both parties.
• Teaches wife to submissive
• Reprimands wives for their infractions by physical discipline

Non-supporters of Domestic Discipline Says

• Based on misinterpretations of the Bible
• Doesn’t give life to relationships
• Is controlling and abusive
• Contains negative consequences
• It undermines the mutuality of marriage.

What The Bible Say About Domestic Discipline

• “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” – Ephesians 5:22-24 NIV.

Although those who defend domestic discipline say that their practice is based on biblical principles but many Christian religious leaders are not in agreement. For example, those who follow a strict domestic discipline frequently reference scripture that requires wives to obey their husbands. However, according to religious authorities, they’re abusing the passage of scripture out of context in order to justify their actions and beliefs.

• “Wives be submissive to your husbands in the same way as you submit to the Lord. Because the wife is the husband’s head. his wife, just in the same way that Christ is head over the whole church and Christ is the Savior of the whole body. As the church is subordinate to Christ and Christ, must the wives be submissive the wives of their husbands in all things.” – Ephesians 5:22-24 KJV.
• “Wives wives, submit to your husbands as according to the Lord. The husband is the chief of his wife just in the same way that Christ heads the Church as well as his body and is the Savior of the church. As the church submits to Christ and Christ, wives too must submit to their husbands.” – Ephesians 5:22-24 ESV.

• “Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” – 1 Peter 3:7 NIV.

These arguments distort and misunderstand the concepts of headship and submission to make women subordinate to males. In simple terms, they’re using the Bible as a justification for the physical and emotional abuse of women by encasing their actions in terms of religion.

Likewise, the Bible never suggests that one spouse is more important than the other.

• “In the same way, you husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way [with great gentleness and tact, and with an intelligent regard for the marriage relationship], as with someone physically weaker, since she is a woman. Show her honor and respect as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered or ineffective.” – 1 Peter 3:7 AMP.
• “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” – 1 Peter 3:7 KJV.

Indeed, a lot of Christian churches encourage the concept of equality or mutual submission. Many churches that promote submission emphasize that husbands should be willing to give up their lives to their wives, just like Christ did for the church.

• “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” – Ephesians 5:25 NIV.

In the same way that Christ was a servant to his followers, up to the point of washing their feet off, he is asking husbands to take care of their wives. A godly and Christ-loving husband will not smack his wife in any manner and certainly not include a physical assault like spanking.

• “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” – Ephesians 5:25 KJV.

• “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” – Ephesians 5:21 KJV
• “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” – Ephesians 5:21 ESV
• “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” – Ephesians 5:21 NIV

• “To be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” – Titus 2:5 ESV.

My understanding of this passage is that wives should follow their husband’s direction in Christ.

• “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” – Titus 2:5 KJV.

He holds the ultimate authority in the home, but the authority is balanced by the understanding that he must be accountable before God for his decisions and actions. The final decision rest on him; therefore, the ultimate responsibility, no matter the outcome, is his responsibility to shoulder and his to bear.

• “To be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” – Titus 2:5 NIV.

A wise husband won’t make a big decision without asking God for wisdom and his wife’s advice.

He will become the head of the household; He is not an oppressor. She is not a doormat. He does not inflict pain on his family. She isn’t a weak-minded girl who needs to be treated with a molly or be swayed around.

Read More: Coercive control: Signs your partner is trying to control you and How to Get Out

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Read More: Step Out of Your Comfort Zone and Enter The Growth Zone

Conclusion

It is important to realize that domestic discipline is abuse, where one person in the relationship holds total control and power over the other person and utilizes physical violence to maintain control.

Like other abusive relationships, the victim does not control what happens and sometimes feels like they’re walking on eggshells. The abuser is in charge of everything from what their spouse is allowed to wear to whom they can communicate with.

The abuser is also likely to control the finances and entitles their spouse to a certain amount of money regardless of whether the spouse is the breadwinner. In addition, the abuser employs verbal and physical violence to control their victim’s behavior and believes they are justifiable.

Domestic abuse is a physical, mental, emotional, and sexual danger to the person’s health and well-being. It can be even more destructive when children witness these kinds of acts of violence. Talking to an advocate or counselor for mental health counselor can aid in breaking the silence around your situation. These experts can help you make an informed decision regarding your safety and security, as well as the health and safety of your children. Domestic Discipline is Domestic Abuse.