Since the beginning of time, dating an unmarried man has been considered wrong, immoral, and frowned upon by the public.
There could be instances when you could have thought of having a relationship with a married person.
- Why not date a married man?
- They are more mature
- And most likely, they are richer than younger and single guys.
- They are more secure and likely to make you feel safe and protected.
Whatever the thought might have been, having an affair with a married man is an option you need to discard as soon as it pops up in your head.
An affair with a married person could be detrimental to yourself and all those involved. There are a variety of reasons to stay clear of having an affair with a married person, including that he will not be fully committed to you, will not be a reliable partner, and, most importantly, that the relationship is based on inequality, mistrust, and deceit.
According to the Institute for Family Studies, about 20% of married men reported that they cheated on their spouses. According to another study that focuses on “the affair with married men’s psychology” indicates that men who have more narcissistic characteristics are more likely to cheat. Therefore, having an affair with an unmarried person could be due to his desire to be selfish and could cause lots of unneeded complications for you.
Is It Okay To Date A Married Man?
No!!! Dating a married man is never okay. Marriage is the penultimate form of a committed and loyal relationship; a relationship with a man who is married is regarded as a social taboo.
How Bad Is It To Have An Affair With A Married Man?
On a scale of 10, having an affair with a married man or loving a married man is about 100. Yes!!! It is that bad.
One of the drawbacks of being in a relationship with a married man is that even though you might be happy with your relationship with him, there is a good possibility that someone else is suffering and hurting badly.
“There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship with a married man,” you might tell yourself that at first. After all, you are happy with the married man, but if you put yourself in his wife’s shoes. In essence, having a relationship with a married man means costing another human happiness and peace, and even if they are not happily married, as long as he is married, it is all wrong!!!
Why Do Married Men Have Affairs?
There are many reasons married men are involved in an affair, from a lack of intimacy and emotional attachment between them to having an inclination to be narcissistic. Sometimes, a lack of communication within the marriage could result in an infidelity. If a husband is unable to express his desires in a way that is healthy and he is unable to communicate his needs, he could use an affair to avoid confronting the issues.
The reasons why married men may have affairs are:
- They are in a sexless marriage: A sexless marriage refers to a marriage that has little, if any, sexual interactions. It is typically described as having sexual contact not more than ten times in a calendar year.
- They want to explore their sexuality and desires with other people: They have significant levels of sexual discontent, and being able to have sex with people can allow them to explore different aspects of themselves that they were incapable of exploring or suppressing before.
- They are not getting the attention they need within the marriage: They’re having a hard time communicating or resolving their emotional, sexual, or intellectual requirements. Consequently, they seek out someone else to satisfy them.
- The enticement attracts them: It’s a fantasy, and they can be appealing. It’s the thing they shouldn’t be doing, making it all more attractive.
- They want instant gratification: They can’t control their desire for immediate satisfaction. They act selfishly, and it seemed like a good idea at the time.
- They’re immature: They lack the maturity, wisdom, and understanding of how cheating against their spouse can have consequences.
- Narcissistic tendencies are common among them: People with Narcissistic personality disorder or other characteristics of narcissism are selfish, have no compassion for other people, and crave praise and attention. Because they are self-absorbed, they are concerned that their spouse does not treat them in the way they ought to or they don’t have enough of their narcissistic need met. They often don’t feel guilty or ashamed for cheating.
Why Does A Woman Get Into An Affair With A Married Man?
If a woman is having an affair with a man who is married, it’s mostly because he appears to be an all-in-one package. Apart from that, the deceit makes the romance more exciting, and sometimes, the presence of an attractive wife makes the man appear extremely attractive. The idea is that a married man knows that a woman spends time grooming, and he appreciates that; he will notice and compliment her well-done nails and her new hairstyle and will probably flood her with gifts to make up for his married status.
Experts believe that women who did not get emotional support while growing up and who crave attention may get caught up in this trap without thinking about the consequences of a relationship with a married guy. Women may also get involved with married men if they do not desire commitment or a sense of accountability.
For some, an affair can boost their sense of self-confidence and self-esteem. Being able to be attracted to a guy who already has a committed relationship in marriage can give a boost of a different sort; while there is a thrill in eating the forbidden fruit, the real-world reality of dating a man who is married is that it’s not always going to end in a good way.
If the time comes and they have to choose, most married men choose the security of their marriage over a passionate romance with a woman. The odds are stacked against you; since the married man has so much at stake, such relationships rarely take off beyond that initial rush of exciting romance and mind-blowing sex that makes them feel young, desired, and vibrant all over again.
Reasons Not To Have An Affair With A Married Man
If you’re considering dating a man who is married, there are plenty of reasons not to pursue the idea. There are a few things to think about: the relationship will be based on deceit and distrust. While it might start off as interesting and exciting, it rarely ends that way.
Here are the reasons not to be in a relationship with a married man
He Won’t Fully Commit to You
One reason people don’t date a married man is that the man is not theirs entirely. A man who is married can be a loving and caring person and make you feel as if you’re at peace; they could even promise you lots of things.
However, there is the fact that they have a wife whom they already pledged for better or worse. So, he’ll always be accountable to another individual other than you.
He’s not completely committed to his spouse despite the legal obligation he made to her. In spite of what he has told you, why do you feel he would be fully committed to you?
You’re not the only one
Common sense says that if the person you are with is willing to break the sacred vow to marriage vow, he is probably a double-timing partner or engaging in relationships or affairs with several women with no hesitation.
Your relationship has no future
It may at first appear like you’re passionately in love; however, the reality is there’s no guarantee that your relationship will last.
As long as he is married to another person, you will always be a backup plan, which many people fall back on after the original plan fails. In other words, a relationship with a married man has no future.
There Is Already a Lack of Trust
You should never date a married man because that will mean you are allowing him to cheat on his wife with you. If he can betray his wife’s trust for him, what do you think he will do when another beautiful lady comes along?
Take a moment to think about the situation, if he is lying to his wife that he’s somewhere else when he’s with you. That means he’ll not be honest with you.
You Can’t Rely On Him
If you’re involved in a relationship with a married man, it will be challenging to trust him, as his first obligation will always be to his partner. If you’ve got plans, and something arises with his family, he’ll choose his family. If you require help with your emotional needs, but because he has a commitment to his spouse, he’ll likely not be available at the time you want him.
A man with an adoring wife and a growing family will spend much of his moment with the family; he will never make you his primary concern. He will completely disappear from your life on holidays and vacations, not even available on text, for “What if she reads them?”
The Relationship Is Built On a Fantasy
An affair is built on a fantasy. You are together for short amounts of time, with no outside demands, so everything feels perfect. There is no need to pay bills, juggle children, or deal with the ups and downs of life.
Your Needs Come Last
He may tell you that you are important and what you need is important, but you won’t be on his priority list. Family, work, and friends will be there ahead of you, and how could they not? And if your needs come first, that is even worse because it speaks more about the kind of man he is with a wife and children, but your needs come first.
Even when You win, You lose
Assume your “best-case scenario” where he leaves his wife and starts dating you. The situation will not be perfect; if something goes bad between you or you are involved in a serious dispute, he’ll think of (or even openly say) how his former wife handled the situation better. If things between you two take a severe downturn, he will always regret cheating on his wife and ending a relationship with her over you, someone he is not very fond of now, and this is because your relationship’s foundation is based on deceit.
You are on The Receiving End
Every relationship has its moments of joy and sorrow. It is important to end your affair with a man who is married because you’ll always be the one who takes the brunt of the blame when there is a disagreement.
Regardless of what other people may have told you about married guys, take note that they have their first choice to turn to. The reality of dating a married man is that you are dependent on them.
There won’t be Respect in The Relationship
Respect in a relationship is respecting and acknowledging one another’s emotions, wishes, and rights. Being in a relationship with a married man is like throwing respect out of the window.
He will not respect your feelings as much as you want. In addition, society and your acquaintances will never regard such a relationship. So, you must end an affair with a married man.
The Relationship Is Built On Deception
The story begins and is based on deceit. He’s lying to his partner and misleading you by telling you anything short of the truth that the relationship is an affair.
You cannot Make Him meet Your Family and Friends
A relationship with a married man is a private one that you must hide. Even if he is the love of your life, you can not celebrate the relationship with either your family or your friends. How will you introduce him to your mother or father, to your younger sister or brother?
If you succeed in convincing your parents to accept him, are you sure he’ll feel comfortable in front of them? Most likely not. It’s likely to end up within the confines of a hotel room or apartment.
You Are Viewed as the Homewrecker
It is believed that there’s a stigma attached to women who are involved with married men. Even though the man is also guilty and liable, to society, women are viewed as the homewreckers or the “other woman.’
No matter how civilization may cover people’s faces, an affair with a married man will always be a problem in every society.
Though many communities say they are tolerant and open to all possibilities, we all know that they’re not. It is best to end the relationship with a married man.
You risk Collateral Damage to His Family and Children
Remember that when you’re involved in a relationship with a married man, More than one of you is sure to be hurt if your love affair comes from the closet. If the married man is a father, you will end up causing pain to his wife and children. If you keep in touch with him or continue the flirtation, it could make it more difficult for him to build a proper relationship with his children.
A Part of You is Doing it for The Thrill
No matter how much you care about this married man, you can’t deny that your relationship is a “forbidden love.” Part of the reason why you’re attracted to him, and ironically, that is because he’s married. This implies that, at some point, your love with him is due to the fact that he is married. The satisfaction you experience from every meeting and every sneezed phone call, every dark date, and the moments snatched away are a part of what inspires you to spend time with him. You may even get a little excitement when his wife gets an idea of what’s happening. Although it can bring you a sense of joy, remember that you’re causing harm to another person. Remember that you’ll experience the pain in your own body when the tables are turned, and your lover does the same to you.
You will not be Introduced as His Girlfriend or Lover
One of the risks of having a relationship with a married person is that you might be spotted by someone you are not familiar with. If this happens, he’ll not hesitate to introduce you as a friend; he will then be anxious and lose enthusiasm for the meeting. The focus will be on limiting the harm caused by the “accident.” Be kind to yourself enough not to say yes to a married man.
You may be referred to as his colleague, friend, or even a cousin; this can be very disheartening, eroding your self-confidence and making you feel unwelcome. Some might argue that the harm you cause to yourself is the psychological consequences of being with a married man because this is made more difficult due to the fact that you won’t be able to tell him that you’re feeling down; to him, covering up will be the top prioritization, and even if you don’t like it you’ll still have to take it at it is.
You’ll Give More and Get Less
A relationship with a married man means you will be putting your all into the relationship while the man gives less.
In this case, for instance, you might offer him the entire day, but he can only give a couple of hours as there are other obligations for relatives.
Even if he is spending the evening with you, he’ll be in a rush to return home. Your availability is contingent on his schedule, not vice versa.
Hiding Your Relationship will Become Exhausting
Keeping the relationship a secret for a few days or months is still manageable; meeting at your apartment or a hotel room may be thrilling at first, but after a point, you will get frustrated. The endless secretiveness and lies and last-minute cancellations due to a family emergency or having to get out of the way at a crosswalk because the person in the next vehicle knows his name will all be more difficult to handle day in and day out.
You will never feel comfortable in an eatery or coffee shop in case he is noticed.
There will Always be a Sense of Anxiety
Being in a relationship with a married person is like sitting on a bomb waiting to explode. Get rid of it before it explodes on your face. Simple gestures, like hugging or sending romantic messages, can result in serious consequences. The risk of your relationship being exposed is always there; this anxiety keeps you both in a constant state of alertness, and you’ll not be able to relax in a calm, relaxed setting.
He will Never Seriously Commit to the Relationship
Rarely will having an affair that involves a married person lead to him giving up his family and wife to pursue another woman. If he does make promises to reveal to his wife and leave the marriage, he’ll continue insisting on the date. If you examine his behavior in a way that is honest, you will be able to discern the falsehoods.
Besides, if he has broken the trust of the mother of his children, what’s the assurance that he won’t repeat the same with you? Think about these risks of dating a married man before you get sucked too deep into this messy situation.
His Marriage isn’t What He makes it Sound like
He may use you to address some of his marriage problems. He could tell you that his wife doesn’t love him, or that he’s in a toxic marriage, or has personality issues. Remember that you only know one side of the story; he might not be a perfect husband and accuse his wife to get your pity. There could be a myriad of issues that you aren’t aware of, and in time, you might eventually see his role in the marital conflict.
There will be an “Another girl” someday
If you get together with him after he has broken up with his wife, there’s a good chance that you will find him unfaithful. If, for instance, you have a major disagreement with him, he could end things with you and return to the woman he married.
You Miss out on Healthier Opportunities
If you decide to have an affair with a married, you’re also deciding to say “no to healthier options. The longer you remain with this person, the more you’ll be unable to enjoy being with other people who are better for you.
It can Affect Your Mental Well-being
If you’re cheating with a married man, this means that you are signing up for an endless number of nights of insomnia.
As he probably sleeps with your wife, you’ll be thinking about him and what you might do with him; this could never come to pass; it is best not to get involved with a married man.
Be prepared for Guilt Trips
Even though you build a mutual and enduring relationship and bond, you’ll be the one to continue to have guilt trips. Why? It is because, at some point, you’ll be thinking about the way you hurt his wife.
You will be sorry for her, and even you feel sorry for yourself. The world and his wife will believe in him. In between constantly wishing for him and having to bear guilt for playing an active role in ruining the marriage of his wife, having an affair with an unmarried man could make you emotionally exhausted.
Guilt is a powerful weapon that can be used skillfully by many.
Imagine telling your best friend that you can’t make it to their party because you need to finish a project at work.
They respond, “Hardly anyone is coming yet. Nobody wants to meet me. Why bother having a party? “I guess I’ll cancel.”
You then go because you don’t want to make them feel sad or unwelcome.
A guilt trip involves causing another person to feel guilt or a sense of responsibility to change their behavior or take a specific action. People can use guilt to influence how others feel, think, and act.
What is Guilt Trip and How to Live Above it
The End is Terrible
Another reason you should not be dating a married man is that the result is generally a tragedy. Although the end of any relationship is not generally an instance of a happy ending, a relationship with a married person is among the worst.
You feel hurt because of the hours spent and because your gut was probably telling you this might not last. More importantly, he is choosing another person over you.
Consequences of Having an Affair With a Married Man
There are numerous consequences to getting involved with a married man. The consequences do not just directly affect the person who has the affair but also the spouse being cheated upon. A few of the consequences are betrayal trauma, post-infidelity depression, self-esteem issues, and long-lasting grieving.
The consequences of having an affair with a married man are:
Trauma of betrayal
After having an affair, you may feel betrayed, hurt, and angry with the person with whom you had an affair. Betrayed trauma can hinder you from trusting people to be trusted in the near future, affecting future relationships you enter into.
Traumas of attachment
The term “affair” refers to a type that can cause unhealthy affection. After the relationship has ended, you may experience trauma to your attachment; this could cause complicated attachment issues in subsequent relationships.
Low self-esteem
The longer you are in this bad relationship, the more likely you will feel lower self-esteem. You’ll feel as if you aren’t important and you’re not worthy to be the focus of someone else’s attention.
As time passes, the incident can erode your self-esteem, which is your most fundamental belief about yourself. It causes you to rethink your goals and actions moving ahead.
Long-term grief
If the relationship ends and you are grieving; it can turn into a long-term depression because of the fact that it was not good a relationship to begin with, limiting the amount of support you’re capable of receiving.
Negative self-image
It’s possible that you’ll begin to dwell on your weaknesses and faults. You’ll think about everything you failed to do in your relationship and how you might feel that you’ve not done enough.
Mental health issues
People often feel extremely anxious during an affair and then extremely depressed when the affair ends.
Post Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD)
A lot of people suffer from post-infidelity anxiety disorder after an affair comes to an end. The symptoms range from stress, trust, and commitment issues, as well as nightmares and self-doubt.
Read More: The Mindset of a Cheating Man – Psychology Behind Infidelity
Read More: Real Men Don’t Cry: Reconstructing Stereotypes of Gender
Read More: Law of Resonance: How To Unlock And Manifest The Abundance You Want in Your Life
Conclusion
Engaging in an affair with a married man is a complex and morally wrong situation that often leads to a myriad of emotional, social, and ethical consequences. Recognizing that every individual’s circumstances are unique is crucial, and there is no one-size-fits-all conclusion and it is essential to consider the broader implications of such actions.
Having an affair with a married man can bring about emotional turmoil for all parties involved. The secrecy and deception inherent in extramarital affairs can erode trust and create a web of lies that is challenging to unravel. The impact on the spouse, children, and extended family can be profound, leading to long-lasting emotional scars.
Plus, the affair may prevent the married man from addressing the underlying issues within his marriage, hindering the potential for personal growth and the possibility of resolving conflicts. The emotional toll on the other woman, often grappling with guilt, insecurity, and unfulfilled expectations, can be significant as well.
Making choices that align with one’s values and integrity will contribute to a healthier and more fulfilling life instead of settling for less, and yes, no matter what you stand to gain from the relationship, having an affair with a married man in ReelNat’s book is considered settling for less because it reveals that you have zero integrity and no basic respect for yourself, another woman, and maybe no code of conduct.
