People-pleasers will do whatever it takes to make others happy. Although being kind and helpful can be a positive trait, it can lead to emotional problems if you are constantly available to help others. Sometimes you may neglect your own needs in order to please others. You may feel emotionally exhausted, stressed, and anxious if you go too far in your quest to please others.
What are the signs that you are a People Pleaser?
How do you determine if you are a pleasant person or a people pleaser? It’s one thing that you want to help others. People pleasers are often taken advantage of by others. These are signs that you might be a people pleaser:
Having to agree with everyone in front of you
As part of our social skills, many learn to listen and respect others. If you constantly agree with people because they are in front of you and not because you believe what they are saying, this can lead to people-pleasing behavior.
Apologizing when you aren’t at fault
People pleasers can often take responsibility for others’ emotional reactions. You may feel bad for someone else or blame yourself. While it’s okay to apologize if you hurt someone, there could be deeper issues if you are constantly apologizing.
Not being capable of saying no
You may be a people pleaser if you have difficulty telling others no when they ask for something. People who cannot say no prefer to make excuses later to avoid making a commitment. You will regret not being able to follow through if you do.
change of personality depending on the people around you
People pleasers will shift their behavior to suit the group or person they are with; This can cause you to act out of character or even participate in actions that you disagree with in order to be accepted socially. People-pleasers will do whatever it takes to avoid conflict, even though it may mean becoming someone completely different.
How others view you determines your worth. To feel happy about themselves, people-pleasers need to be validated by others. People pleasers will go to great lengths to get praise from others. People pleasers’ confidence rises or falls depending on what others think of them.
People-pleasers are good at listening to others’ feelings. They are also thoughtful, caring, and empathetic. You may have a negative self-image or a tendency to achieve too much.
Although you might be described as generous and giving, if you are a people-pleaser, you may feel exhausted from all the work you do to make others happy.
The effects of being a people-pleaser
You can lose sight of your true self if you are constantly gratifying others. People who are obsessed with pleasing others may spend so much time trying not to disappoint anyone that they don’t know what to do for themselves. People-pleasing behavior can lead to:
Putting others’ needs first can lead to neglecting your own. It is possible to become sick from trying to please everyone.
Sometimes people indulge in people-pleasing behaviors because they don’t value their needs and desires. People-pleasers may have low self-confidence and feel they need external validation. They might believe that being accepted and approved by others will make them happy.
Build up resentment
Maybe you find yourself burying your anger not to feel like people are taking advantage of you; this can cause you to be passive-aggressive and display other signs of frustration. Instead of communicating with people and improving your mental health, you may withdraw from them.
Unable to enjoy life
Stress from constantly pleasing others can make it difficult to enjoy simple pleasures such as going to ice cream and watching your favorite TV shows. Constant stress can make it difficult to relax and wind down by committing yourself to many different activities.
Traumatic, painful, or difficult experiences could also play a part. For example, someone who has been abused may seek to please others and avoid creating abusive behavior.
Sometimes, altruism can motivate our reason for helping others; People-pleasing doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It is crucial to be a caring and concerned person to maintain healthy relationships with loved ones. However, it can become a problem if you try to gain approval to boost your self-esteem or if the happiness of others is more important than your own.
How to stop people-pleasing
You can take steps that will allow you to stop being a people pleaser. You can also learn to balance your desire for happiness with your own.
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It is important to understand your limits and establish clear boundaries. Then, communicate these limits. It’s essential to be clear about the tasks you are willing to undertake. If someone seems to be asking too much, let him or her know that it is beyond your ability to handle and that you will not be able to help.
You can also set boundaries to curb your people-pleasing tendencies. You might limit the time you can talk to people by making phone calls only at certain times.
Another option is to explain that you’re only available for a specific time. This is helpful as it allows you to control what you will do and when.
Sometimes it can be difficult to make drastic changes. It is better to start small and build your confidence. It can be hard to change your behavior. It is not enough to retrain your brain, but you must also teach others to recognize your limitations.
It is good to take small steps to make yourself less annoying. You can start by refusing to accept more minor requests. Or, you could express your opinion on something minimal.
Try saying no to a request via text. You can then move on to saying “no” in real life. You can practice in various situations, such as ordering from a restaurant or talking to salespeople.
Establish goals and priorities
Think about where you would like to spend your time. What are you looking to do for others? What are your goals? Your priorities will help you decide if you have the time or energy to dedicate to something.
You’ll be able to spend more time on the things that matter to you if you set boundaries and say no to things that don’t interest you.
Use positive self-talk
If you feel overwhelmed or tempted, use positive self-talk to strengthen your resolve. You are entitled to your own time. You are responsible for your goals and shouldn’t feel obliged to spend your energy and time on things that don’t bring you joy.
Time to Stall
If someone asks you for a favor, let them know that you are taking some time to consider it. You don’t want to say “yes” immediately. However, taking the time to consider a request and respond can help you evaluate it and determine if you are genuinely interested in doing it. Ask yourself these questions before you make a decision.
- What time will it take?
- Is it something I want to do?
- What are my time constraints?
- How stressed will I be if “yes” is my answer?
It has been shown that even a brief pause before making a decision improves decision-making accuracy.
Assess the Request
You can also look out for signs that others are trying to profit selfishly from your generosity. Is there someone who wants something from you but is suddenly unavailable if you ask for something from them? Are there people who are aware of your generosity and want to know if you will say no?
It may feel like you are being coerced into doing something. Take some time to evaluate the situation and decide how to respond.
Don’t make excuses
It is important to say no straight away and not blame other obligations or make excuses. If you begin explaining why you cannot do something, it gives others an opportunity to question your excuses. You may also allow them to modify their request to still get what they want.
When you decline something, use a clear tone and resist the temptation to explain your reasoning in detail. Remember that “no” is a complete sentence.
Remember, relationships requires give and take.
To have a healthy and strong relationship, there must be a certain amount of reciprocity. When it is common for one person to give and the other to take, this can lead to a lack of reciprocity.
It doesn’t matter how much you like pleasing people; it is vital that they also take steps to give back to you.
When you want to help, please help. It doesn’t mean you have to stop being kind and thoughtful. These are qualities that will help you build solid, lasting relationships. It is crucial to evaluate your motives and intentions. Do not do something because you fear rejection or desire approval from others.
Do good deeds, but do it on your terms. Kindness does not require attention or rewards. It simply requires the desire to make life better for others.