Mel Robbins brought attention to the ‘Let Them Theory’ in social media. In essence, it’s a way of thinking that allows people in letting go of issues beyond their control and allow people to be themselves.
Are you ever troubled by the people around you because they didn’t behave in a manner that you expected them to? You may feel like you’ve wasted too much time trying to get others to behave in a manner that is consistent with your expectations, and they’re still failing. ReelNat has got you covered!
In a world that is constantly bombarding us with demands and judgments, finding inner peace and embracing our true selves can feel very challenging for some people. We can get caught up in ensuring that people behave in a particular way we think is right, and we don’t allow others to act in the manner they think is best, or at the very least, be themselves.
We at ReelNat want to offer you advice to release pressure from the outside, empower your inner self, and accept self-love. This approach is based on the concept of letting people themselves without forcing them to behave in a manner we think is acceptable. It is important to let people be who they are because by doing so, they reveal their true selves to us and give us the ability to choose what to do next. When you adapt this idea, you’ll be able to identify when you’re dominating people you don’t need to manage. You’ll be able to ease tension and adopt a more relaxed mindset instead of letting emotions take the most of you.
Table of Contents
What is The “Let Them” Theory
What exactly is the “Let Them” Theory? It’s basically a unique way of life that is based on the principle of non-resistance and acceptance.
Instead of trying to control the people, you let things take place and allow people to be themselves. NOTE: This doesn’t mean passiveness, but it’s a conscious decision to let go, in line with the law universally recognized as detachedness.
The “Let Them Theorem” is a life hack developed by New York Times bestselling author, podcaster, motivational speaker, and author Mel Robbins. According to Robbins, the idea is about letting the people you love “do whatever it is that they want to do,” which results in “more emotional peace for you and a better relationship with the people in your life.”
The principle is that you do not try to control others when you don’t have to and avoid lots of stress.
Manifestation, The Laws of Attraction and Detachment
The law of manifestation and attraction are often found to be inextricably linked. Like magnets, we’re thought to attract the things we concentrate on, whether it’s either positive or negative; however, as important as the principle of attraction may be, it’s just one part of the whole. There is the law of detachment, a crucial but often ignored aspect of manifestation.
This is where the star of the show, the “Let Them” Theory, takes the stage. The theory is a representation of the law of detachment, permitting the natural process of life to unfold without the constraints of expectations or control. The benefit of being able to detach yourself from the chains of expectation will facilitate the fulfillment of your goals without the burden of having to control people.
How to Use The “Let Them” Theory
You may be thinking, “How do I navigate this theory in my day-to-day life?” This is a great question, and it’s a lot easier than you think.
- The first step is to realize that you have control over your behavior and reactions.
- The second stage is to allow other people to be responsible for their behavior, actions, and reactions.
Remember, it’s about allowing, teaching, and correcting, not controlling.
Here are helpful instructions to integrate this “Let Them” Theory into your everyday life:
Start by becoming aware of the desire to control people.
Don’t get too harsh on yourself; we all have a tendency to be in control; it’s a part of being human. The trick is to be aware of this and gently remind yourself of the “Let Them” Theory.
Then, shift your focus; recognize that everyone, even you, is on a distinct journey. Some don’t have your knowledge; you are yet to have the knowledge of some; they still have plenty to learn, and so do you.
NOTE: Acceptance does not mean taking disrespect, especially deliberate ones, and allowing for other people’s incompetence. It means seeing their flaws and not allowing them to get to you, control you, or control them. By all means, do well to teach and correct errors when you see them, but be careful not to cross the line to control them.
It’s now time to learn how to let go; it might be a bit uncomfortable initially, particularly in the case of people who are used to holding the rope tightly. Remember that the magic is outside your comfort zone.
When you let go of the need to control things and people, you can open an infinite number of possibilities and create space for things to take place naturally. Accept the thrill of uncertainty and see it not as a threat but as an opportunity to develop.
As you begin to implement these steps, take your own mental (or tangible) note of the way your life is beginning to shift:
- Do you feel happier?
- Less stressed?
- Are you more peaceful?
It could be that you’re manifesting your desires with greater ease; that’s due to the fact that you’re no longer hindering the flow of life due to your desire to control.
Keep the momentum – it’s just like building muscles; the more you work on these steps and exercises, the more powerful your “Let Them” Theory muscle is.
Every day brings new challenges along with opportunities to implement your knowledge. Keep in mind to be gentle with yourself, enjoy your successes, and learn from the times you fall. It’s part of the process.
Let them judge.
Get rid of external approval! The majority of the time, regardless, people who criticize you are usually insecure about who they are and jealous of who you are and your accomplishments.
Let them talk
Let them speak! In the final analysis, it will be a reflection of their loyalty and honesty, and you have the freedom to choose whom and what values you are around. Instead of being surrounded by negativity and drama, concentrate on building and sustaining friendships with people who really want what is best for you. Always remember that quality is always more important than the quantity! Find people who inspire and encourage you, and your journey to self-love will grow even more.
Let them doubt
In times of doubt, even those in our lives may question our abilities and dreams. Even though it can be challenging sometimes, the “Let Them” attitude allows you to believe in your abilities and intuition. Hold onto your goals and desires, and don’t let the opinions of others affect the outcome. Your self-belief and self-motivation translate into better and bigger experiences that you experience, and your achievements will wow your family members! Remember that the only validation you really need is from within yourself.
Let them go
Negative relationships consume our energy and hinder our personal development. If you’re practicing the “Let Them” theory, it is recommended to prioritize your well-being by being surrounded by positive people who appreciate your presence and inspire you to grow into the most effective version of you. Let go of toxic relationships and friendships that do not align with your values and goals; it’s true that you shouldn’t be forced to or demand anyone else to respect you! Instead, set aside time and allow for meaningful relationships with those who encourage your growth and confidence in yourself.
The “Let Them approach will allow you to achieve your self-acceptance and the empowerment process by freeing yourself from the desire for the approval of others.
Attachment Theory and The Law of Detachment
If you’re having trouble letting go of someone, it might be due to anxiety-related attachment styles. A person with an anxious attachment type is characterized by constant anxiety about losing someone and an obsession that leads to insecure relationships. Find affirmations that help reset your brain and eventually improve your ability to let go.
The Let Them Theory Could Transform Your Relationships
“If your friends aren’t inviting you for brunch this weekend, let them. If the person you’re drawn to isn’t keen on a commitment, then let them be,” Mel says. “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”
Isaac Newton’s Law 3 of Motion reads, “To every action, there is always opposed an equal reaction.” This holds true for the world of physics. If an object puts a force or pull on a different object, the second object will react with a push or pull of the same magnitude (via Khan Academy), but the law of reaction and reaction isn’t working as well in the context of relationships.
This also helps improve relationships by creating an environment of acceptance; this means “our relationships improve as the people around us feel truly seen and accepted just as they are.”
“When we try to shape other people’s behaviour, we often end up disappointed, frustrated and exhausted. We lose sight of our own lives, and what we can actually control.”
It’s hard to stand back and allow others to perform actions that you believe to be wrong, but romance isn’t as simple as the two objects of the physical theory. In real life, not everything requires immediate action.
Why should you let them?
The majority of us have a specific method of reacting to behavior that we don’t enjoy. You may be the kind to confront your friend and clearly declare the cause; perhaps you’re passive-aggressive or try to guilt trip the other person into doing the right thing. Whatever your preferred actions might be, Mel Robbins recommends taking the time to let people come to their own decisions regarding how they’ve behaved.
It’s essential to understand that you’ll never be in control of an adult other than yourself, or at least should not be in control of an adult; if you stop the effort to control someone else or attempt to alter your relationship more, the less angry and dissatisfied you’ll be. When you let them do what they’re doing, you’re acknowledging that the other has the freedom to choose and not wasting your time or effort trying to alter that.
As well as safeguarding your mental well-being, letting people behave the way they do reveals who they are. Everybody has their faults, but if their motives are honest and they truly are concerned about you, they will not continue to behave in ways that hurt you. If you attempt to control your partner’s or date’s behavior, you’ll never know whether they’re treating you well out of affection for you or because you’re making them act a certain way. So, letting people behave without prompting or rebuking them can quickly reveal which relationships you need to quit.
It’s not about letting people walk all over you.
This theory may be difficult for adults who are big on self-respect, as it may appear as if you’re letting others treat you as dirt. To clarify, the method doesn’t really represent a complete lack of response. It’s actually an intelligent delayed response after you’ve allowed people the opportunity to decide their own route.
Say you’re dating someone, and they keep canceling on you. “Letting them,” in this case, means that you don’t force them to schedule another date; instead, you take a step back and let the ball remain at their feet. No matter if they’ve got a legitimate reason or are just wasting your time. Their true colors will be revealed, and you’ll be able to take action according to their actions. Like Mel Robbins says in her TikTok video, “And when they reveal who they truly are to you, you now know what you can choose next that’s right for you.”
In the end, it’s all about the freedom to be who you are without forcing them to conform to molds that they’ll never be able to be able to fit into. Giving up control can bring peace and the ability to choose the next steps you’ll take.
Tips for Implementing The “Let Them Theory” in Your Relationships
- Establish a regular mindfulness practice that will consist of observing your habits (whenever you would like to intervene and alter the behavior of another), as well as allowing and accepting whatever happens (both in your head and their behavior) and letting go. The most effective method to achieve this is by using mindfulness exercises, which, if repeated daily, can make acceptance a habit.
- Be aware that we cannot control other people’s behavior and aren’t inclined to, but we can be accountable for our choices. For example, if you notice that you frequently feel unhappy with your friend’s decisions, just be aware of the judgments and then say, ‘let them do it their way.’ Be curious about the reasons you would want to instruct people on what they should do. Are you a perfectionist, and if things don’t go as planned, that makes you feel anxious? Perhaps, from an early age, you realized that “love” is the act of telling others how to conduct themselves but also crossing into control; you need to be aware of this and choose to tackle this rather than trying to control other people.
- Learn to listen; Practice listening skills: Consider that you have the desire to “rescue” and fix everyone else’s problems. If you notice a person is unhappy, and you’re rushing in trying to resolve the issue. This could create tension if the other party just wanted to let you know what they were feeling. In these situations, you can simply say, “Let them express how they feel,” pay attention to the desire to charge to control and resolve, but be mindful and let the feeling go, and not act on it; instead, sit with them and let them express themselves. It may sound simple and easy, but it is difficult for “rescuers” to do this. Active listening has a significant influence on relationships since each individual feels able to express themselves and is allowed to express themselves and supported to do so.
By utilizing The “Let Them” Theory, you can harness that power of non-resistance and acceptance using the law of attraction and detachedness to manifest your real desires.
Keep in mind that the universe has its own rhythm; dance with it rather than trying to control it.