You Don’t Need Someone to Handle You; You Need Someone To Assist You

So just recently, I heard a statement that reminded me of a video I watched on YouTube, where single mothers were having a discussion with single men, NOT single fathers; one of the single mothers said a man that is not willing to be with her because she is a single mother is not an alpha male, while in another video a lady said she is big, independent and needs a man that can handle her. Now, while it can mean many things, different opinions, many perspectives, and good intentions, I am of the opinion that we shouldn’t need people to handle us, deal with us, or even put up with us unless we are talking about a child. 


What we need is help, assistance, and support, not someone to handle us. Now, are there people who can handle other people efficiently in the context of different relationships? Yes, there are, but that doesn’t mean they should, and that doesn’t mean it’s okay; again, unless we are talking about a child or someone who’s mentally challenged, we shouldn’t burden other people with the responsibility of handling, dealing, and putting up with us.

Life can be difficult sometimes, full of many challenges, but with a good sense of responsibility, maturity, and duty, what we need is someone to support us, give us a hand, be there for us, listen to us, help us do better, be better, certainly NOT handle us, deal with us, or put up with us. 


Again, there are people who can very much handle and deal with people in different contexts of relationships, and again, we shouldn’t burden people with this responsibility.

The Burden Of Responsibility: Navigating The Weight Of Expectations

Responsibility is an integral part of our lives, shaping our actions and decisions in various aspects, including personal, professional, and societal spaces. While it can be a source of motivation and purpose, the burden of responsibility often carries a weight that can feel overwhelming. Navigating this burden requires a delicate balance of self-awareness, resilience, and support; the last keyword here is support.

Amongst many things in carrying the weight of responsibility, support, help, and assistance is what we need, NOT someone to handle, deal with, or put up with us. Remember, at the beginning of this article, I told you two different ladies who said that a man who can not be with her because she is a single mother is not an alpha male and a man who cannot handle her is not an alpha male. Also, I said there are many people who can effectively handle or deal with people in a different context of a relationship; now, this certainly does not in any way mean that a man who chooses not to handle, deal with, or put up with a lady is not a gentleman. It just means they don’t want to, and that’s okay, and it’s okay for people to choose to handle and deal with other people, and again I am of the opinion that we shouldn’t burden people with that responsibility. Plus, I think in obvious and subtle ways, people who say, “I need someone to handle me,” what they are saying is that they need someone to put up with their vices, and it shouldn’t be.

At its core, responsibility entails the duty to fulfill obligations, make decisions, and be accountable for the consequences of our actions. Whether it’s carrying the responsibilities of a leadership position, caring for family members, or contributing to the well-being of a community, the weight of these expectations can sometimes feel like an impossible burden, but it’s ultimately ours to bear, especially when it’s about our vices, it ours to learn to correct, we need and should get all the help and support we can get, but that just what it is, support and help not someone to handle us and carry the burden for us.


One of the primary challenges associated with the burden of responsibility is the pressure it places on us. The fear of failure, the weight of expectations, and the constant demand for decision-making can lead to stress, anxiety, and feelings of being overwhelmed. Plus, the fear of letting others down or falling short of expectations can create a significant emotional and psychological toll, but it certainly does not make transferring of aggression okay; it does not make being rude and unwelcoming okay in the context of any type of relationship, and it does not mean people who are unwilling to handle, deal and put with these type of individual are not alpha, wonderful, kind, thoughtful, or human enough.

In the professional space, the burden of responsibility often manifests in leadership roles, where we are entrusted with making critical decisions that impact not only our own livelihood but also the well-being of our teams and organizations. The weight of leadership responsibilities can lead to burnout and mental fatigue as we strive to balance the needs of our teams with the demands of their roles.

On a personal level, the burden of responsibility may manifest in caregiving roles, financial obligations, or maintaining relationships. The pressure to meet societal norms and expectations can create a sense of suffocation as we grapple with the constant juggling act of meeting various demands while also tending to our own well-being.

Despite the challenges it presents, the burden of responsibility also offers opportunities for growth and resilience. Navigating this weight requires us to cultivate self-awareness, establish healthy boundaries, and seek support when needed. It’s essential for us to recognize that it’s okay to ask for help and that sometimes, we might not be able to carry the burden alone.

Plus, reframing the perspective on responsibility can help alleviate some of its weight. Viewing responsibility as an opportunity for growth, learning, and positive impact can shift the narrative from one of burden to one of purpose. Embracing responsibility as a catalyst for personal and professional development can empower individuals to approach challenges with determination and resilience.

The ability to be resilient won’t make your issues disappear, but resilience can help you gain the ability to look past the issues, enjoy life, and manage stress better. If you’re not as resilient as you would like, you can build and develop strategies to improve your resilience.

Resilience in the context of human life is defined as the “capacity to be flexible in our thinking actions, feelings, and behaviors in the face of disruptions to our lives or prolonged periods of stress, in order that we emerge from adversity more shrewd, smarter and more competent” (Pemberton 2015).

Read More: What is Resilience, and why Is It Important to Bounce Back and Continue?

Connecting with others who have experienced similar challenges can offer insight and reassurance; the key word here is “offer insight” (help and assistance), reminding us that we are not alone in carrying these responsibilities, but we must be careful not to think it’s other people’s responsibility to handle and carry your burden because if we think so, we are not far from feeling entitled and not take responsibility for our lives.

An entitlement mentality is a belief that you are owed something and do not need to put in a lot or even any effort to get it. In a way, it is a familiar feeling to some extent. For instance, it’s normal for us to expect people to treat us like we are intellectual and have a heart, but that expectation does not always result in us receiving what we would like. Well-adjusted adults understand this and can manage disappointments that may occur.

Read More: Entitlement mentality: No one owes you anything!

We All Need Assistance, Not Someone To Handle Us

In a world that often emphasizes independence and self-sufficiency, the idea of needing assistance can sometimes carry a negative connotation, but the concept of assistance goes far beyond simply relying on others to handle tasks for us. It’s about collaboration, support, and mutual empowerment. When it comes to personal and professional growth, having someone to assist you can be far more beneficial than having someone to handle you.

The notion of needing someone to handle you implies a sense of control and dependency, where decisions and actions are made on your behalf; this can lead to a lack of autonomy and personal agency. On the other hand, having someone to assist you involves a partnership based on mutual respect, where both parties contribute their strengths and expertise to achieve a common goal.

One of the key benefits of having someone to assist you is the opportunity for personal development and learning. Instead of being a passive recipient of guidance, we should seek assistance and be actively involved in the process, gaining valuable skills and knowledge along the way. Whether it’s in the workplace, in education, or in personal pursuits, having someone to support and assist you can provide the guidance and resources needed to navigate challenges and achieve success.

Plus, having someone to assist you creates a sense of collaboration and teamwork; it acknowledges that no one person has all the answers or capabilities and that more resources and expertise lead to better outcomes. So by welcoming assistance, we can tap into a diverse range of perspectives and skills, leading to more innovative solutions and a stronger sense of togetherness and community, someone to be there for you, and certainly, you being there for them in your very best way too, it should go both ways.

Seeking assistance demonstrates self-awareness and a willingness to ask for help when needed; it’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to recognize one’s limitations and reach out for support. In doing so, we can build meaningful relationships based on trust and reciprocity, creating a supportive network that extends beyond immediate tasks and projects.

It’s important to note that seeking assistance doesn’t diminish one’s independence or competence. Rather, it amplifies one’s potential by leveraging the strengths of others; by surrounding oneself with supportive assistants, we can focus on our areas of expertise and passion, knowing that we have a reliable hand or network to provide guidance and support when we need them.

Read More: What is The Bystander Effect in Psychology?

Read More: Best Sobriety Quotes To Drive Your Recovery Journey

Read More: Pride Goes Before A Fall: The Danger Of Overconfidence 


The idea that “you don’t need someone to handle you, you need someone to assist you” contains the essence of empowerment through collaboration. By embracing and welcoming assistance as a positive force for growth and development, we can cultivate meaningful relationships, expand our capabilities, and achieve greater success in all aspects of life. Instead of striving for complete self-sufficiency, let’s recognize the power of working together and supporting each other on the journey toward our goals.

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